no dillusions

Okay...

starting off with a...

BLOG WARNING

material discussed below is for the eyes of mature adults...and for those interested in following my journey towards my Sprint Triathlon goal...and if in that journey I may at some point discuss my "running support"...or my entire blog might be about my "running support"...like today's...you may want to stop reading...

end of blog warning

So, I'm not a small girl.

I'm 5' 9 3/4" tall

     (although I'm the shortest in my "family"; dad, mom, sister)

I wear a size 12-14 when I'm in my best shape

     (currently at the higher side of 14)

my feet are big; size 9-10 depending on the shoe/style.

I weigh more than...170...but less than 200

     (vague enough for you?)

my shoulders and hips might not be BIG...

   but they are on the high side of average for a lady my height...

my eyes are even big...

growing up I always heard, "wow, look at those big brown eyes!"

...and yes, I would be classified as big busted...

With that being said...I oddly, have some parts of my body that are small...

maybe too small...

*although I have large feet they are skinny & my ankles are skinny, making it all that much harder to find cute shoes that fit.

*I have no BUTT,

     ...it's genetic, got the "no butt" from my father...

     my thighs run right into my lower back!

*and for the weirdest small part of my body, I have a freakishly small rib cage...

...now this is weird with the average hips and shoulders that I have...

...a positive to a small rib cage,

     my large bust actually hides in there, rather than standing out even farther into the world...

...negative...

although I am not delusional enough to think that I'm the only women out there with a large bust, trying to find a bra with a small band to fit my oddly small rib cage that supports the cup size I need (larger than the average big busted lady) in NEAR impossible.

I'm saying all this to just vent...

I am going this Sprint Triathlon in June, and my goal is to "run" the "run" portion of it, I don't want to walk it...to do the run leg of the triathlon I knew I needed to find me some extra special "running support"...so I went to my special website for my every day support and ordered what I thought would work...

this is the thing...when I put in my "special size" only 2...

...two...

(that's right, count them, ONLY 2)

sports/athletic "supporters" show up...

and then the most obivious thing, those 2 options were BOTH out of stock...

...yeah, CRAZY HUH!

so I did what every above average busty woman does, I fiddled with my size,...if I go up in the band size then I can go down in the cup size...

right?...

WRONG...

 ...

Forgetting my sizing woes, I blissfully placed my order and then was giddy like a child (or my husband) on Christmas morn, when my special package arrived in the mail...

could hardly wait to try them on...

...so mommy quietly escapes to the bathroom when the rest of the household is busy...

option 1...

it's okay, I'm thinking...

"well, this will work, it's not making a grossly weird shape out of me, it's tight, but isn't that the goal of a running supporter?"

but I'll see how option 2 works, I might send this one back....

option 2...

...option 2 should NEVER have been ordered...

option 2 might have been added to my "shopping cart" while I has experiencing a minor seizure ...

once I get option 2 fastened, turned around, the arm straps pulled up, and try to place all proper body parts inside the proper areas, I realize that I am shaking with laughter, this is nervous laughter, possibly laughing so I won't cry...and that's when the quiet house discovers that mommy has disapeared...and children are now at the bathroom door, "what's so funny mommy?" "let us in mommy." "we want to see."

what option 2 has physical done to my body is something that children should NEVER see...

...I must repeat that because it is VERY important...

children SHOULD NEVER SEE THAT...

I might actually be sending it in to the government as a new "treatment" to use on war prisoners... 

...and now this is the moment when I realize that option 2 will never come off my body without assistance from another human being...

Yes, my husband is also home, but this is NOTHING a husband should be exposed to...

but my options are

*children

*husband

*911...I was really liking this option

     ....and then I remembered I know some local paramedics and they might be the one's sent to help me....

...Okay, left with no other options

I called my husband in...

...I'm still hystically laughing...still trying not to cry...

giving his strict orders that children were NOT allowed in with him...

and he very kindly extracted me from OPTION 2....

and guess what...he still loves me, he might have chuckled a little, but only at the fact that I had managed such a feet, he wasn't laughing at the pathetic sight I made (or at least that's what I'm telling myself)...

all this to say...

option 2 is going back...

Lessons Learned...

1.  Order my size and ONLY my size and don't pretend I'm a different size...

2.  Lock bathroom doors when trying on internet orders possibly made during siezures...

3.  Don't befriend paramedics you may need them to help you out of very embarrassing moments and you NEVER want to have to interact with them after that...

4.  For better or for worse includes your husband helping you out of things you ordered during possible seizures.