November 21

1}  I'm so very thankful for God's protection over my family.

2}  I'm thankful for the guardrail on a road that I drive on everyday with my kids.  A guardrail that God used to save my kids and I from going down a 50 foot ravine.

3}  Thankful for those lessons that God teaches us.

Tuesday morning I was running errands with the kids, driving along.  My phone rings, I glance down, "Private Number," I ignore it...and then I have this stupid, "what if it's really important," thought so I grab for my blue tooth...can't find it, I look down to find it and in that moment...that 2 seconds with my eyes off the road...I drifted into a guardrail...drifted going 50 miles an hour...into a guardrail that was protecting a 50 foot ravine.  I swerved, over-corrected and went into the oncoming lane...NO ONE was there...I pulled it together and pulled over.  I got out and looked at the car.  Pretty banged up...but drive-able...I looked around...NO CARS...NO Traffic on this busy 2 days before Thanksgiving errand running day...

God protected us in so many ways.
  *a guardrail that I've never noticed, never thought about, being in the spot we needed it.
  *when I hit the guardrail, I hit it pretty much on the whole entire side of the van...equaling lots of damaged down the entire side of the van...but also just basic physics, had I hit with the front end we could have been tossed over the rail, had I hit the back it could have sent us into a spin, but hitting the whole side kept us pretty balanced.  I don't think I could have tried to hit it at a more 'perfect' angle if I wanted to...
  *Tuesday was a raining, blustery, monsoon like day.  There was about 10 minutes without crazy weather...that is the 10 minutes that my accident took place.  Can't image what the outcome would have been in that monsoon like weather.
  *ZERO traffic.  No one behind me to rear-end me when I slammed into the guardrail.  No one in the on-coming lane of traffic for me to plow into when I over corrected.  After I pulled over and assessed the damage the road had returned to it's normal traffic flow again...

I'm sure there are other God moments that I haven't realized that took place in that moment that protected my kids and I.  These are just the ones that stand out.

Lesson learned...
 Lesson #1...NO PHONE...NO MATER WHAT.  If I haven't put my blue tooth in my ear before I have started driving, than I just have to wait.  Seriously, it was a call from my doctors office telling me about a recent test. NO BIG DEAL!  And even if it was a hugely important message, the school calling to tell me my kid got kidnapped {just trying to think of the worst/most important call}...how is me causing an accident going to help that situation.  Because now my husband gets this call..."Um, your kid got kidnapped at school, and your wife drove off a cliff with your other child in the car!"  There is NO phone call that can't wait until I get to wherever it is I'm going...and I also have God on my side.  I fully know that if there is that really important phone call that I need to know about right then, I would have a nudge from the Holy Spirit telling me to pull over and check my phone.

Lesson #2...pride...UGH.  Lets go back about 18 months ago...I had this thing I liked to call, "A perfect driving record"...It's something I would remind Beau about lots and lots.  I LOVED my perfect driving record, I was proud of that thing!  Yeah...lets go back 18 months...

• I ran a red light...big time ran it, with video proof... almost got my whole family t-boned by another car {who stopped at their green light,while I blasted through my red light}
• Then 10 months go by..all is well...then I amazingly back right into my friends car...a car that I KNEW was right behind me...but I rammed right into it!  Lovely...also loved the insurance letter sent to my husband, "Dear Beau, after investigating the accident we find your wife 100% at fault."  THANKS...like I needed it rubbed into my prideful face.
• Tuesday...I being stupid...could have killed my children and myself!

Yep, my perfect driving record is gone.  And my pride about it is now filled with humility...I'm not saying I'm humble {because that's an oxymoron}...  I'm saying I get it now.  I had pride {probably still have it in other places that God has yet to point out}...and now I see that my pride got me nowhere, accomplished nothing.  It probably made me more dangerous to myself and my kids.  Pride blinds us, tells us that we're above certain things...when we clearly are imperfect humans that can make a stupid mistake {choose any from my above list, or make up your own} and that stupid mistake, that slip in judgement, could cost you or your family greatly.

wake up God, our neighborhood is ON fire!

so, our neighborhood caught on fire this past Saturday.
actually it was the 'green belt'/canyon behind our neighborhood that burned...
it was one of the craziest experiences of my life....

It was Saturday afternoon and I was on the computer in our home 'office',
Beau and Wilson were also in the office, Wilson watching a movie and Beau sleeping soundly on the futon.
Madison was not home...she was swimming with a friend....

I heard a loud airplane overhead...
it sounded loud, big, and really low...
we have a small airport not too far from our house,
so we hear plans overhead... but small plans
so I began thinking...that was big and really low for the airport....
seconds latter I smell smoke...
why do I smell smoke?
I get up, look out front to the street...
it is smoky and eerily quiet...
I went to the back and our yard was filled with smoke, I couldn't see our back fence...

I yelled for Beau and Wilson...told them we were leaving, the neighborhood was on fire!

we jumped in the van (both Beau and Wilson with no shoes)...

Beau wakes up fully at this point and decides we need to know what is actually happening...

he runs out back, sees trees on fire and decides we're going to stay and fight the fire.

By this time the eerily quiet scene of our street, from moments before, has turned into chaos...

people running down the street carrying belongings, 

dogs running, 

kids crying, 

fire trucks, 

firemen, 

reporters, 

neighbors and strangers...

after some 'discuss-ments' Beau and I decide to stay and try to fight the fire...
We get Wilson out of the car and have him help us with hoses and stuff in the back yard...

we open up our gates...
now our backyard is like the street...
firemen...
reporter/cameraman...
strangers...
neighbors...

and then Beau tells me to call Steve..

Steve is our boss...

he's our Senior Pastor...

& most importantly he's a great friend...

so, I call & not-so-rationally tell him our neighborhood is burning down and to pray!

he does...and he sends out the request on our church email prayer chain ...

up to this point...the trees in our neighbors back yard were engulfed in flames...
the fire was feet away from our other neighbors fence...
the wind is blowing up the canyon towards all the houses...

the fire stopped moving forward...

against all reason...

against wind and dry grasses...

the fire stopped moving forward... 

the neighbors teenage son was fighting the fires with all the neighbors hoses...

the firemen have shown up...

but really...

the fire should have burned more...
houses REALLY should be burning...
...the prayer went out...and the fire stopped moving towards all the homes...
the bombers where dropping flame retardant
and helicopters were dropping water

the firemen were everywhere...
they saved many homes that day...

but God had a huge hand in the direction that the fire didn't take...

seriously...the fire came up to the neighbors stacked firewood...but did not burn it!

below is a bird's eye view of our neighborhood and the 'green belt' behind us...

(our house is the red X in the middle)...

the black is the approximate path of the fire...

it's my lovely paintshop job...so, it's not an actual picture of the fire damage...but you get the idea...

do you see ALL of the houses that the fire didn't burn...

did NOT touch...

60+ homes were threatened by this fire...

and NOT one was burned!...not one house was burned... 

don't worry...I didn't take this during the chaos...

when things had calmed down...these two firemen were just casually walking down the block back to their truck..I asked for a picture with Wilson...

two of the many many blistered oak leaves that litter our lawns now (both front and back)...

we are keeping these as a reminder of Saturday...

a reminder that in chaos we need to stop and seek God first...

ironically...or maybe not so much

Steve preached about "Kingdom Challenges" on Sunday...

Mark 4:35-41

where Jesus & His disciples are in the boat at night and a storm comes up...

Jesus is sleeping and the disciples are freaking out...

only to wake up Jesus...not to ask for help...

but to tell Him the boat is going down...that they are all going to drown...

Jesus stopped the storm with his words...

He then looked at the disciples and said, 

    “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

...

hmmm...I was in that boat on Saturday...

I was in a sinking boat and Jesus was sleeping in the back...and rather than wake Him up and ask for his help...

I FREAKED OUT...

and even when I did 'wake Him up'...rather than say, 

"God, you can stop this fire"...

I said..."wake up God, our neighborhood is ON fire!"

God knew there was a fire...and...

God stopped that fire!

the one that rubs

...yeah...
there's this Bible story that rubs me the wrong way, one that Jesus Himself taught...
I just don't like it..never have...

it's the prodigal son...
yep, not a fan....

because guess what...I'm the good brother (or sister in this case)...
the 'good one'...the one that makes all 'right choices' the one that 'deserves' everything the father lavishes on the 'bad son' at the end of the story...

not only am I not a fan, it's a story that I've always hated...
yes...HATED!
I'm a justice seeking...stand in line...speed limit...kinda girl!
(although when my kids utter those horrible words,
'that's not fair' my skin crawls!)
but it's true...this story IS NOT FAIR!

I recently even had a conversation with my mother about this despised story...
about me being the 'good one' and talking about the prodigal one...
and how I dislike that Jesus had to put this in the Bible at all...

and then guess what...
God flipped the tables...
I had a dream (and yes, I know that most dreams are just dreams...but I also know that God used dreams in the OT and it worked...so yes, I believe 100% that God gave me this dream to understand His love just a little bit more)

In this dream I was no longer the 'good sister'...
I was the mother...OUCH
I was no longer the do-gooder sister, I was the parent of the prodigal son...
In my dream my sweet, kind, cuddly, loving, tenderhearted 6 year old boy was all grown up and 19...
And he was no longer any of those things.
He was living in the world, making stupid, horrible, scary life choices...
His sister stayed home and was being the good one...making all the right choices...
But as the mother...my heart was breaking for my son...my son had turned his back on everything I had taught him, everything he knew, squandered all I had given him.

Yes, I was proud of my daughter, I was filled with hope and joy at all her choices.
But at the same time my heart was literally torn in half by the choices my sweet baby boy had grown up and made...
Just typing this out and remembering my pain, makes the lump return to my throat.

I woke up in tears, sobbing over my lost son, the son that I would do anything to have back in my arms, safe and sound...the son that I would throw a huge party for if he would only turn around repent and seek my forgiveness....
I knew without a shadow of a doubt I would throw this lost-and-now-found son of mine the biggest party I could.  I would celebrate him coming home!

so now this story rubs a different way...I now 'get it'...
I now understand the celebration for the lost son...
...and now my heart breaks for all the prodigal son's...
I now have a small window into the pain that God feels for all those that have turned and are doing it their way opposed to His way.

I also see that the father/parent hasn't turned himself away from the good child...he loves that child just as much as the other one.  And that maybe the good one has some sin in his/her life...the sin of pride...
He believes that his actions can earn the love of his father/parent.  As a parent I know my child can do nothing to earn my love or take away my love...I love them no-matter what.  And God's grace and love is the same, my actions, my good behavior, my deeds, works, etc...will never 'earn' my father's love!  I do all of those things because I love HIM, not so He will love me!

And I pray that in the future rather than being the sullen, it's-not-fair 'good sister', I can be the heartbroken mother that seeks out the lost son.

the swim test

back story to the story.....
we have 2 different swimmers in our family...
the girl child is a fish...
     has always had confidence in the water
     even when she didn't have form she had confidence,
     she just knew...she had FAITH she wasn't going to drown
     and she loves the water
    as a some-what-shy toddler and preschooler she had no problem taking a swim class,
          in fact she loved taking them

the boy child...he's been a totally different animal
     and not a water one
     has never believed he could swim, even when he can
     swim lessons have always been a fight
     one year he even refused to 'dress' for lessons and wore his jeans, I still made him get in the water with his jeans (not a happy little boy)
     he likes to swim....sometimes...half the time he'll chose to stay home with dad!
   
okay...the swim test!

last week of school (2 weeks ago) boy child's 1st grade class is going on a swim party field trip to the YMCA (the pool that we swim at most of the time).

The swim party is taking place at the outdoor pool that looks like this

the kids need to pass the 'swim test' to get the green wrist band and swim just on the other side of the rope from the shallow pool into the first swim lane
(a place where the kids can actually stand up in...but since the depth gradually increases to a point where they can't touch they need to take the test).

the swim test starts at the deep end and the kids must swim the length of the pool

the lifeguards were great,
one of them has been Wilson's swim teacher a few times,
Mr. Steve, he's a great guy that is amazing with kids, builds confidence in the water and has just an amazing heart for kids.
they had the kids jump in and swim... if/when they got a little tired they could grab onto the wall for a short break and then continue swimming.
by the time Wilson has decided he wants to take the swim test about 15 kids have already taken the test and passed...these 'green wrist band' kids are not swimming in the deep end they are all playing and splashing and stuff down in the shallow area

Wilson does great...
He jumps in, and he is swimming without stopping, he's closer to the swim lane (rope) and not the wall, not stopping to rest because he's too far away to grab on the wall.
He makes it down to the 'shallow' area...where he can actually touch...
and he hits a wall of inner-tubes, swim noodles, beach balls and kids...

he freezes...he doesn't move...
at this point he can actually touch, but he doesn't...
he doesn't swim under any of the things in the water
he doesn't move any of the water toys, he won't even touch them

boy child panics...and even though he can touch he almost drowns right here because he's stuck in the doggy paddle and is TIRED because he's just swam the entire length of the pool without resting....

the lifeguard has to throw him the lifeguard flotation thingy
(it's not the ol' round life preserver thingy that we all think about, but those long red foamy things...)
anyways, once Wilson sees the lifeguard throw that towards him his panic doubles...
"I'm getting rescued...that mean's I'm drowning!"
...he panics and doesn't grab it...lifeguard throws it again...
Wilson grabs it this time and is pulled to safety...10 feet away!

So, Wilson FAILED the swim test...
even though he swam so far, he panicked and had no idea how to swim or get to safety...not good...

kids that failed the swim test received a red-wrist band so the life guards knew what kids could be where.
Mr. Steve talks Wilson into re-taking the swim test...talking to him about how to get thru the 'water-hazard' at the end...

and guess what...same thing happens...
and now...
Wilson has FAILED the swim test twice...

What Wilson didn't see...won't see...can't see...
is that he SWAM almost the entire length of the pool...TWICE...
he SWAM in the deep end...
he never needed to grab the wall to rest...
TWICE...he swam twice the length and never reached out to rest on the wall!
HE CAN SWIM....
he only sees a failed red wrist band

fast-forward to the next week...first week of summer vacation...
and...
da.da.dum...
swim team...yep, I have boy child (both actually) signed up for swim team...

same pool...what happens...
Wilson doesn't swim...
the boy gets in the water....strokes twice...grabs the wall...
'monkey-arms' it about 20 feet...strokes twice...grabs the wall....
repeat...
all the way to the end...
and repeat for the entire 1 hour swim practice!
!

ARGH...
why?
He knows in his head that he FAILED the swim test...
he "can't" swim!

I convince swim coach that my son can in fact swim so please don't kick him off swim team...
(yep, I was that mom!  SHEESH)
and then sign him up for swim lessons...

fast-forward 2 weeks...
Wilson has now been on swim team 2 weeks...and taken 2 weeks of swim lessons...
and he has yet to swim the same distance he did for the 'failed' swim test...
his coach knows he can swim and has let him remain on the swim team...he's done amazing at his lessons...
but still he 'knows' he can't swim because he failed the swim test...

as a parent I can tell him over and over and over again that
He Can Swim...
all he can see is that red wrist band that told him he couldn't...
...
I have wondered ever since that fateful 'swim test'...

God, 
Do I have a failed swim test in my life?  Do I see the 'flotation devices' in my life as water hazards?
Have You told me over and over and over again that I can do something...
Yet, I keep pointing to my failures and telling you that I can't do it?  
Showing you where I failed, how I failed, how I'm not equipped to do what you've asked of me...pointing to my failed red wrist band and saying GOD, you have no idea what I can't do, but I know I can't do it!

Ouch...
I am grateful for the spiritual lessons my children teach me!

God, 
Remind me that I can swim...that I'm not swimming alone, and that you are always my lifeguard even when I can touch the bottom...and that my failed red wrist bands are ones that I have put on myself or the world has...not ones that you put there!