the one that rubs

...yeah...
there's this Bible story that rubs me the wrong way, one that Jesus Himself taught...
I just don't like it..never have...

it's the prodigal son...
yep, not a fan....

because guess what...I'm the good brother (or sister in this case)...
the 'good one'...the one that makes all 'right choices' the one that 'deserves' everything the father lavishes on the 'bad son' at the end of the story...

not only am I not a fan, it's a story that I've always hated...
yes...HATED!
I'm a justice seeking...stand in line...speed limit...kinda girl!
(although when my kids utter those horrible words,
'that's not fair' my skin crawls!)
but it's true...this story IS NOT FAIR!

I recently even had a conversation with my mother about this despised story...
about me being the 'good one' and talking about the prodigal one...
and how I dislike that Jesus had to put this in the Bible at all...

and then guess what...
God flipped the tables...
I had a dream (and yes, I know that most dreams are just dreams...but I also know that God used dreams in the OT and it worked...so yes, I believe 100% that God gave me this dream to understand His love just a little bit more)

In this dream I was no longer the 'good sister'...
I was the mother...OUCH
I was no longer the do-gooder sister, I was the parent of the prodigal son...
In my dream my sweet, kind, cuddly, loving, tenderhearted 6 year old boy was all grown up and 19...
And he was no longer any of those things.
He was living in the world, making stupid, horrible, scary life choices...
His sister stayed home and was being the good one...making all the right choices...
But as the mother...my heart was breaking for my son...my son had turned his back on everything I had taught him, everything he knew, squandered all I had given him.

Yes, I was proud of my daughter, I was filled with hope and joy at all her choices.
But at the same time my heart was literally torn in half by the choices my sweet baby boy had grown up and made...
Just typing this out and remembering my pain, makes the lump return to my throat.

I woke up in tears, sobbing over my lost son, the son that I would do anything to have back in my arms, safe and sound...the son that I would throw a huge party for if he would only turn around repent and seek my forgiveness....
I knew without a shadow of a doubt I would throw this lost-and-now-found son of mine the biggest party I could.  I would celebrate him coming home!

so now this story rubs a different way...I now 'get it'...
I now understand the celebration for the lost son...
...and now my heart breaks for all the prodigal son's...
I now have a small window into the pain that God feels for all those that have turned and are doing it their way opposed to His way.

I also see that the father/parent hasn't turned himself away from the good child...he loves that child just as much as the other one.  And that maybe the good one has some sin in his/her life...the sin of pride...
He believes that his actions can earn the love of his father/parent.  As a parent I know my child can do nothing to earn my love or take away my love...I love them no-matter what.  And God's grace and love is the same, my actions, my good behavior, my deeds, works, etc...will never 'earn' my father's love!  I do all of those things because I love HIM, not so He will love me!

And I pray that in the future rather than being the sullen, it's-not-fair 'good sister', I can be the heartbroken mother that seeks out the lost son.