Letter to My Daughter

I heard on the radio this morning that the number one person that influences a girls personal image is her mother...eek!

There are also hundred's of studies that say how important a fathers role in a girls life is...
A healthy relationship with her brother is also very important...
Healthy relationships with her extended family are important...

I know this...I know that both my husband and I play a huge roll in our daughter's self image...
I also know I will fail her.
I know my husband will fail her.
Her brother will fail her..
Her grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins will fail her...

Guess what, I don't need a study to tell me...
the number one most important relationship my daughter needs to become a healthy, responsible woman with a great self image...
Her relationship with her Creator God, Abba Father, Jesus Christ...

He.Will.Never. fail her!

and because of this I decided to write her a letter....

Dear Sweet Daughter of Mine,

I love you more than you can fathom {that is, until you have your own children, but until then}.  I want you to have a life filled to the brim with love & joy.

What I want you to know...need you to know.
You are designed to be loved.  
We all know that deep in our core, that we are created for love.  
But please never confuse what that love is.  You were created by the God of the universe to be loved by the God of the universe.  In the deepest part of your soul you will yearn for that love and search for that love.  
Make no mistake that you deserve that love, there is nothing wrong with this desire to be love.
But know this,
that NO man, no woman, no child on this earth that can love you enough to fulfill that need.  
God created that desire so that you would seek Him.

I love you more than you can fathom, but my love for you is nothing compared to God.
Your father loves you more than you can fathom, but his love is nothing compared to God's love for you.

Also, I am so very blessed to have met, fallen in love with, married and fallen more in love with your father.  
But guess what...
He is not my soul mate...  
He does not 'complete me'...
If for some reason your father was not in my life I would be sad, terribly sad, but I would go on and live the life that God created me to live, because my life is not set on a earthly man that I have chosen to live my life with.  No man on earth can make me whole!
My life is set on the Heavenly Father I have chosen to seek after.

You are beautiful.  Yes, I am your mother and because of that I will always believe you are beautiful.  But I also know that you are beautiful because of who created you.  
No article of clothing, hair style, make up brush can make you more beautiful than God Himself.  I will tell you that you are beautiful, your father will tell you that you are beautiful, your grandparents, friends, aunts & uncle, will tell you that you are beautiful {your brother may not, but that's just because he's your little brother!}, and someday, when you are grown {35'ish}, men will tell you that you are beautiful...those words, my words, "daughter, you are beautiful" aren't what make you beautiful!  You need to tuck this away in your heart, hear it over and over, what makes you beautiful is that the God of the Universe, the God that formed the stars in the sky, the mountains & oceans, paints the sunsets each night, that God...He.Created.You.  He formed you!  He drew the curve of your cheek, placed the twinkle in your eyes, counted every hair on your head, knew the size of your feet and the strength of your legs....  He is why you are beautiful!  You are not beautiful because your father and I tell you, you are beautiful because He says so!

That life filled to the brim with love & joy that I mentioned at the beginning of this letter...that isn't something that just happens.  And notice I didn't say a life without pain.  Not that I want you to have a life of pain, but I also know that pain helps us grow, that pain turns us to our Creator.  The greatest pain so far in my life was the first 17 days of your life...not knowing if you, my precious daughter, would live.  But that pain turned me into the arms of my God.  I sought out His Love and Peace and through that pain my life was filled with love & joy.  
God's plan for your life is to 
"prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
{Jeremiah 29:11}......but don't stop reading the passage there...keep reading...
"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord."
We need to seek God with all our heart...God's plan 'not to harm us' plays into the fact that we are seeking Him!  Not seeking a life free of pain, not seeking to be beautiful, not seeking to find a man to share it with...
When you seek God and allow HIS plan to dictate your life, that is when the remainder of His plan for prosperity & hope will become fulfilled ...
oh, and prosperity isn't 'the American dream'...God's idea of prosperity looks a little different.  Prosperity is a heart issue not a bank account number!

There is so much more that I want you to know.  So I will end this letter with...
"till next time!"
Your loving, faithful, full of mistakes mom!

He Doesn't Babysit

Nope, my husband doesn't babysit!
And will NEVER babysit our children!

He is their father...gave them 1/2 of their DNA...why would anyone ever assume that he would merely 'babysit' his own children!?!?

We live in a era that women are put on a pedestal for all they do...glorifying women and all their choices...{don't get me wrong, I think some women are pretty darn amazing}...but for some reason to make everyone believe that women are amazing we had to be fed this plate of lies that men are idiots!  That the only way women can be amazing is if men are the opposite.

Sitcoms show us the bumbling, stupid father that can't make a trip to the store without making a mistake.

Commercials show us that the biggest challenge a diaper can be put to is to leave a diaper clad baby in the care of their father while a football game is on, because a father is to single minded to watch a sport and care for their child!

And society in general...they always assume if a man is with children he is 'babysitting' them, that he's 'stuck with the kids' for the day...that no man would actually choose to parent their own children, choose to hang out with their kids and be their dad!

Let's get real here, I believe in equality...some women are pretty darn amazing...and there are plenty of men that are bumbling idiots...
but their are plenty of women that share the title of bumbling idiots!  And there are some pretty darn amazing men!

I married one...and had his babies...

and he will never babysit our children...he is their father...he will parent our children!

When they were babies he changed diapers, he burped them, he fed them {when they weren't nursing}, he bathed them, dressed them, rocked them to sleep as infants, read to them, sang to them.

As they grow his role is changing, he still tucks them in each night and reads with them, helps them with their homework, makes them dinner, washes dishes or sits back and relaxes now that our children wash the dishes.

He has taught them that being yourself is way more important than being what others want you to be.

He takes them to old bookstores and thrift stores {helping them to respect the things from past generations}.

He teaches them about music; from Benny Goodman, to the Beatles, to Abba, to Journey, to Michael Jackson, to U2 {my kids can play the "who's this band/singer?" game WAY better than I will ever hope to}.

He helps them with their piano or just sits and plays with them.

He takes them on bike rides.

He dates our daughter, teaching her how and what to expect from the men in her future.

He plays games with them {board games, card games, video games, role playing games}.

Starting from a young age he taught them the history of the original Star Wars {and although he's morally opposed to the new movies has left it up to them to make their own choice}.

He is teaching them to mow the lawn.

He watches 1950's horror movies with them.

He takes them kayaking.

He has taught our son that hair style doesn't make you a man.

He loves & respects their mother.

He baptized both of our children!

He has taught them to pray, he has taught them to seek out God's truths in their lives, he has help them memorize God's word. He has put God first in his life and has modeled for them how to live a life that glorifies God.

He has never.once.babysat our children!  From day one he has been their father.

Happy Father's Day Beau, I love you, thanks for being my babies' daddy!

Daddy Issues

This post has been in my heart for awhile now...and with Father's Day right around the corner I needed to get it out....

Don't we all have them...?
Daddy Issues

we have these images of superman type fathers...

Why is that?
I have a pretty decent, loving, good father...
but guess what, he's human!  My father was not, and is not, perfect!

I know women and men with daddy issues...
I know those that have never known their father
Those that wish they never knew their father
Those that had dads like mine
and those with amazing, Ward Cleaver fathers....

all of them...Have. Daddy. Issues...

why?  why is having daddy issues so universal?
maybe, just maybe, it's because we have this need ingrained into each and every one of us for a perfect heavenly Father.

Why do you think God tells us He is our father?  Maybe He knows...because He created us....that we all have this natural desire for a perfect father figure and yet no man on earth can ever 100% fulfill that roll!

Guess what else...?
we women,
we {and by 'we', I mean me} take these daddy issues and we bring them into our marriages...
however horrible or wonderful {or wherever they fall on the scale} our fathers were/are...we bring our daddy issues into our marriages and project them onto our husbands!  we either choose husbands that are the opposite of our fathers or husbands that are very similar to our fathers and then hold up these unrealistic expectations for them to be nothing like our fathers or everything like our fathers...

and when they fall short of either one of those marks we fight, kicking and screaming that they are failing us...
{pause...
I am in no way saying any husband is perfect...
just like no father is perfect, they are all human}
but as wives have we taken our daddy issues and rather than turn towards our Heavenly Father to fulfill our needs we turn towards our husband and try to mold him into something he can't possibly be.  trying to get him to fill shoes that he can never fill....

remember that stupid line from Jerry McGuire,
"you complete me!"...
UGH, I've hated that from the moment I heard it... but that's what we're all trying to find, we're trying to find the man that will fill all the holes that our earthly fathers left gaping open...God is the ONLY one that can complete us, and it's a lifelong journey!

we all have daddy issues...
because we all need a perfect dad
we try to mold our husbands using all the daddy issues we came into the relationship with...
we don't want our kids to have daddy issues
and we want our husbands to fill our need that our daddy issues left in us...
our fathers & our husbands also have daddy issues
and our kids... yep, they will have daddy issues also
we were created with a need that no earthly father can ever live into!

but guess what?
we have a perfect father...He can help heal our daddy issues, help our children with their daddy issues and help our marriages not suffer because of them....

See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!

 ~ 1 John 3:1 

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

 ~ Matthew 6:8

I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.

 ~ 2 Corinthians 6:18