celebrate life

so...I've debated over writing this blog...
this is actually the third time I've sat down to write it.

I blog about things that happen in my life...
I blog about things that I do,
things that my kids do...
recipes, crafts & gardening,
God moments
parenting & marriage things
exercise stuff...
you get it...
this isn't a recipe blog,
or a craft blog
or a family blog
this is MY blog and I write about things that are effecting or have effected my life...
the good the bad and the UGLY...

Something happened in my life last week that will change me forever...
but I was feeling like it wasn't 'my event' to blog about...
but because I know the family and I know they need support,
they crave your prayers
and they want more than anything memories...
I've decided to write this post for them
this is for Erik,
this is for his mommy, his daddy, and his big brother!

Last Friday I sat at this computer...living my life....
this Friday... this moment... feels very similar to last week.
I was sitting at this computer typing up a blog...
a simple, silly blog with recipe links for my weeks menu...
at the same time Beau was sitting at the piano
he was trying to figure out a song...
a song by Survivor...
"The Search is Over"
....it's a great 80's love ballad...but today I'm hearing it different...

This morning as I sit and listen to him play the very same song that he was playing last week I couldn't help but realize how very different this Friday is from last Friday...

last Friday a friend of mine was also just living...
her Friday was going to be a little different...
she was going to have a shorter day at work, she was going to pick her baby up early that day
her weekend was going to start earlier than normal...
little did that mother of a sweet baby boy realize that her life was going to be forever changed after that Friday.
she kissed her son good bye...
not knowing that she would be kissing him for the last time.

Life can change direction in an instant!
We go along living our lives,
making menu's
playing piano's
going to school
going to work
kissing babies...
laying babies down for naps...
....
and then a sweet baby boy never wakes up from his nap and our lives are forever changed!
Beau and I 'walked' through a tragedy with some friends last Friday that we never wanted to walk thru.
I'm glad we were there for them, I'm glad God has placed us together in this ministry so together we can walk thru all manner of things together...
I also hate that we were there.
I hate that I know them.
I hate that I watched a friend, a mother, a wife process thru the worst day of her life!
I hate that I watched her husband process thru the pain of his baby boy never growing up.


Last Friday a sweet 4 1/2 month old baby boy passed away of SIDS.

I have no idea the pain that this family is going through.
Today...this Friday is so different than last Friday...
just a week ago I sat here making a menu...
today I'm getting ready to make a pot-luck dish to take a Celebration of Life.
A life that was way too short!

I ask that today you pray for our friends.  Lift them up every time you think about it.
They need to feel God's love surrounding them.  They need His comfort and His peace.


I may have questions...
you may have questions...
I don't have any answers but...

one thing I know if my heart of hearts...
This was NOT God's plan!
God created LIFE.
God's plan is to give us Life everlasting!
God never once planned for babies to die!
God created a perfect world.
Because of man we now live in a fallen, broken world and horrible things happen in this fallen broken world.
Death is one of those things.
God didn't plan for pain, God doesn't want His people to hurt.
Yes, God will take this horrible thing and use it in the life of Erik's family.  He will take their pain and help them grow, but he didn't make Erik die so that they could grow closer to him.  He didn't make Erik die so they could learn something...  That is sick!
Our God is a loving, kind, and gentle father.
He knows what it's like to have a son die!  He would never 'do' that to someone.
He will walk with Erik's parents during this time, He will comfort them, He will guide them...
He will help them...
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I don't have any answers but I do know that God's plans are not to harm....I also know that He is the only one that can heal a parent's heart after something like this.
Pray for the Erik's family today.
Pray for his mom, dad and older brother.
Every time you see a little baby boy filled with life, send a prayer for the Bird family.
Every time you see a child with sparkling blue eyes, send a prayer up for the Bird family.
Every time you see a blond haired boy living life, say a prayer for Erik's family.

And because I want to help Celebrate Erik's life...I end with a memory.
I had the privileged of taking Erik to his first movie!
We saw "The Pirates!  Band of Misfits" for those that were wondering.
Yes, I took a baby to a movie...
During the summer, Monday's were our 'movie' days.
I happened to watch Erik and his older brother on one such Monday, and rather than change our plans we decided to take Erik to his first movie.
So, while the older kids sat up front eating spilling candy I stood in the back of the theater and rocked Erik, who slept thru his first movie.
Madison, my baby whisper'er, just loved that day, she was able to hold Erik and  play with him!
He was filled lots of cuddles & sweet, sweet smiles from one of the happiest babies ever!

Erik, you are loved, and you are missed.
And today I will hug your mommy for you!

where were you?

If you were born in the 70's or 80's you might have grown up listening to parents and grandparents remembering where they were during crucial historical moments in America's history...

I remember an older lady in our church telling me where she was when she heard about Pearl Harbor.

I remember both of my parents telling me where they were when they heard about JFK being assassinated.

I'm a history nerd (history major here), I soaked these stories up.  I love social history (social studies was my other major)...I want to know the personal stories, not just the big dates....

I also remember thinking, I'm glad that nothing bad will happen to America again.  I'm glad I won't have a "I remember where I was when ______ happened" moment in my life.

Then one quiet morning 11 years ago I joined the world in getting our 'I remember moment'...

Where were you?

I was sitting on my couch nursing my nine month old baby girl watching the morning news.  This was our schedule...wake up at 6, she would nurse for an hour while I caught up on local/national news.

I in no way can even grasp the terror of those living in New York, Washington DC, anywhere on the East Coast, anyone that was on a plane or in an airport that day....

But because I was watching the news...I saw it all...
I was watching from the moment the first plane hit.  When they thought it was still a freak accident.  I SAW the second plane, I watched it fly into the second tower.  I screamed and woke up Beau, made him try to understand what was going on.
I sat on the couch holding my sweet baby girl and so frighten for the world that I had brought her into.
I watched the towers fall...
I watched the plane in DC...
I watched as flight 93 crashed into a quiet field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.
I'm not sure when I got off the couch that day, I know Beau went to work.  I babysat my friends baby everyday back then...and I can't for the life of me remember if she brought her to me that day to watch or not.  I just remember the tv being on all day long...I remember holding my baby and praying, and praying, and praying.  I prayed for her world.  Her life.  Her America.

And I have a story I never wanted, I have a "I remember where I was" moment....

And I'm asking you to share yours.

These stories are part of history, they are the untold stories of history.  The history that never gets written.  We will tell our children and maybe even grandchildren, but they will be forgotten.  I know that 9/11 will never be forgot, just like we have never forgot Pearl Harbor or the death of JFK, but the sting of those tragedies lessens when we loose those personal stories.
Lets not loose our, "I remember where I was when I heard/saw the news on 9/11."

It's weird to think...that it was a just a day before that day.  Had you said 9/11 on 9/10/01, everyone would have no idea what you were talking about.
It wasn't one place like Pearl Harbor...
It wasn't one man like JFK.
It was our entire country that was attacked that day...
and we can't remember it by just saying one place...the entire day has been forever changed!

Share your story...where were you?

menu...finally

in no particular order...here is the menu for the next two weeks...give or take a few days

here you go...a pintrest inspired menu

Chicken Cordon Bleu

coconut chicken

Brown Butter chicken and crispy sage

PF Changs Chicken Lettuce Wraps

BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwiches

Slow Cooker Cashew Chicken

Black Bean Taquitos

 Slow Cooker Garlic and Brown Sugar Chicken

and a few without recipes...because they're standards in our house

chicken tacos
Taco Salad
breakfast burritos
Biscuits and Gravy

...
okay that's done now off to shop for food...

what is on your menu this week...
do you have a favorite pintrest inspired meal?

ugh...they're hungry again

it's time to go shopping...the fridge is empty and the cupboards are bare...
yet I'm too busy with work, school, volleyball, piano, etc to find time to commit to really honest to goodness grocery shopping...

I really wanted to make burritos or tacos tonight...I have chicken and cheese and beans, and sour cream...I don't have tortillas or salsa!

Then I thought of breakfast for dinner...and I have 2 eggs and no bacon...

Nachos...no chips

I'll figure out something...
it will probably have chicken, rice, beans and cheese....

or maybe it will be pancakes....

....
tomorrow I make a menu, a list, & I will go shopping...

what's on your menu this week or next?
HELP a mom out!

I'm gonna need a tardy slip please

there are some crazy hard choices to make as a parent...

like...
when you realize that your 'sick' kid might not be as sick as he was the day before and could...should...actually be in school....

so how do you think the school would react if I brought my child to school a little late...

like 40 minutes before school lets out, late....?

me....yes, um, I'm gonna need a tardy slip...
office lady...really?  it's 1:10
me...well, my son was sick yesterday, and I thought he might still be sick today, but it looks like he's much better now.  so here he is!
office lady...you know school ends at 1:50, right?
me...um, yes, I'm aware that school dismisses in 40 minutes, but he's all better now...so, um, give him some learning, you got 40 good solid minutes....

you were born for this

our daughter had a rough entry into the world...
and a few more bumps around year 3...

when we tell her about her birth miracle and healing at 3 we remind her that God has a plan for her life.
(yes, I know...he has a plan for everyone's life)...
but we tell her that 'someone' tried to stop her from being the person she was meant to be.

that she is meant for greatness...
and not greatness in the view of the world, but greatness in how God views her...

this past week we had the privilege as her parents to witness her allowing God to live thru her and not to let 'someone' else control her life.

This is a Bible verse that we've talked about as a family,
" Therefore, to one who knows the right {or good} thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin."
                                                                   ~ James 4:17

and that is what Madison did, she knew the good, and she did it!
She started middle school last week...
She was worried about changing classes...
getting lost on the campus...
not finding her friends at lunch...
not having ANY friends in any of her classes...
of all that scary homework....

one thing that she went into the year knowing was that even if she had no classes with her friends...she at least HAD friends.  She has 2 really good friends going to the same school, and lots and lots of kids from the past 6 years of school all on the same campus...
she was good...

We did encourage her to meet and make other friends....
not because we don't like her friends, we do...
but she has 6 classes and her 2 friends are in NONE of those classes...so life will just feel better if she has a friend or two in some of those classes...it will be less lonely...
she wasn't out there to find replacement friends...
     just add to her friends...you know...
...make new friends, but keep the old...
....one is silver, the other gold....
she just maybe needed to add to the silver list...

day one...
she notices a girl in her 'core' class with the same backpack as her...
(core is the new term for homeroom...and just to make things confusing for us old school parents...core isn't always your first class of the day, you might end your day with core!)
day two...
she starts talking to matching backpack girl*...
(*special blog note...her name is not actually matching backpack girl, that would be weird, but to keep things safe I will not be using actual names besides Madison's)
she's  nice...
day three...
more talking...she's really nice...maybe we can be friends in 'core' together...
day four...
finds out that matching backpack girl moved from a k-8th school so none of her friends moved over to 6th grade but stayed at the k-8th school...
matching backpack girl is shy and worried about making new friends...
day five...
Madison invites matching backpack girl to eat lunch with her and her friends...

day five lunch time...
Madison and matching backpack girl see Madison's friends at 'their table'...
they walk to the table and Madison begins the introductions...
"old friends, meet matching backpack girl...matching backpack girl meet old friends."

only...one old friend doesn't wait for introductions to finish, but packs up her lunch and leaves in a huff...
other old friend stays at table but turns and talks to other kids at the table and ignores Madison and matching backpack girl...well ignores her while also making weird snotty faces in their general direction, (lots of exaggerated eye rolls and hair tosses)...

Madison tries to talk to old friends...
M..."what's going on?"
OF's...."we don't like matching backpack girl!"
M..."why not?"
"she didn't share her new ball," says one old friend (really are we in kindergarten?)
Madison asks matching backpack girl about the ball thing
matching backpack girl, "it was a new ball and I wasn't letting anyone play with it."

Madison thinks...
I've known matching backpack girl for 5 days, but she's nice and she's shy, I don't think she's lying about the ball thing...she even agreed with old friend that she didn't share her ball, but she had a good reason...

Madison goes back to old friends...
"how about you meet her and talk with her, she's really nice."
OF's..."you choose her or us!"

Madison thinks...
Matching backpack girl has done nothing wrong...
     my old friends are being rude and mean...
          friends don't try to control you, bullies try to control you...
Madison chooses to eat lunch with matching backpack girl...

Madison comes home and tells us what happened...
we tell her we're proud of her...
we ask if she wants to call her old friends and talk about the situation...
she doesn't...she wants to wait over the weekend and see what happens on Monday...
maybe everyone was tired from the long first week of school and sports try-outs...

Monday morning...
old friends approach Madison before school starts,
"so who are you going to choose her or us?"
Madison said,
"I'm going to choose her, she hasn't done anything wrong!"


Matching backpack girl talks to Madison is class...
telling her it's okay if she hangs out with the old friends, she can tell they don't like her and she doesn't want Madison to not have her friends.
Madison said,
"no, you've done nothing wrong, I am going to stay with you!"

Meantime...I am frustrated...
of these 2 old friends, one is a REALLY REALLY good friend, they've been in class since 2nd grade
     (sorta a big deal when you have 120 kids in the same grade!)...
how can her friend not trust her?
why can't she broaden her friendships?
why are we back at this point of drama?
(we had friend drama for Madison's first 3 years of school...
until she found this really really good friend)
after lots of inner-turmoil I decided that I needed to talk to the mom of her really good friend...
we as parents have always trusted her parents,
we're on many of the same pages when it comes to parenting our kids....
and I would want to know if Madison had done this to one of her friends...

I find really, really good friend's mother and we talk...
I ask her if she knew about the drama on Friday...
what drama?
...nothing...
really?  what consumed Madison all weekend long and made her feel sick going back to school today and her daughter had told her nothing...
so I layout the whole story...
also remembering that although Madison is a sweet girl, her story is HER story and old friend's story might be different and might 'feel' different from her side of things.
Madison may have been seeing things thru emotional goggles...
one of the biggest issues I have with this whole thing is
     I like...really really like...her old friend.
they belong together...they GET each other in a very special way...
they are supposed to be friends...we love old friend's family...
not just her parents but her siblings as well...
Madison and old friend NEED to be together

And that is why I am so proud of Madison...
she knows all this...
she gets this...
she knows how hard those first 3 years of school were...
she remembers FINALLY finding old friend,
she remembers when they were new friends...
she can't imagine life without old friend now...
she also loves old friend's family...
but she knew that when friends were telling her she had to choose...
choose them or matching backpack girl...

Madison, heart-breaking, knew that matching backpack girl had done nothing wrong for these friends to tell her she couldn't be friends with both, knew she needed to choose the unknown, she couldn't choose her old friends, her friends that 'get' her, if her 'friends' were telling her she had to choose then her friends had changed and Madison needed to stay true to herself and choose the scary unknown, because even though it was unknown it was right.
(seriously...how many of us adults have been faced with choose old comfortable but wrong, and the unknown but right path...and chosen the comfortable wrong path?)

back to my talk with old friend's mom...
she's frustrated...
she knows Madison and she knows her daughter
and she knows that Madison wouldn't have made up this drama...
that Madison had been hurt (and maybe still being hurt) by her daughter
she knows her daughter did something painful, hurtful, and wrong...
she is pretty frustrated with her daughter....
she's going thru that, 'what did we do wrong?' as parents thing...
I am reminding her about that old thing we call free will...
she can teach her daughter everything right yet, her daughter still has to choose her own path...
this isn't a parenting issue, they didn't raise her to do this to old friends and potential new friends...
yet, as parents we have that small glimpse of God's pain, when our children make the wrong choice even when they know the truth...
old friends mom was ready to go home and tear her daughter apart...she wanted to yell at her and then have her call and apologize...I wanted that to...
but then we got to thinking...our girls are getting older...having their mommies make them 'kiss and make up' isn't what they need.
our girls are in middle school...
they're 11 1/2...
they might not always tell us when a friend has hurt them...
they are at the age that rather than a demanded apology the hurt child needs to approach the one that hurt them,
and say, "hey, you hurt me!"
    "What you did wasn't okay?" 
 they need to ask,
     "Did I maybe do something that caused you to react this way?"
they need to learn that mom isn't going to always be there to fix it...
but they can learn that when mom is still holding their hand...

so old friend's mom still had a nice long talk with old friend...
...and her dad did some talking too...
they asked her "why?"
"had matching backpack girl done something to her?"
"does she know matching backpack girl?"
etc, etc, etc...
they walked her through how her actions hurt her closest friend
how she hurt a girl that she did't even know (matching backpack girl)
how she embarrassed them
how they were proud that Madison her closest friend stood up to her when she was making wrong choices

and then we had Madison call her...
Madison was the one that had been hurt,
she needed to call her friend and tell her,
"you hurt me...
"you didn't act how a friend should act...
"I want to be your friend but I'm not going to chose you over matching backpack girl, because matching backpack girl has done nothing wrong!"

Madison had to make the stand...

she needed to initiate the conversation...
    not her mom or old friend's mom..
she needed to learn that her mom isn't going to always be the one to fix all the wrongs
but she could still do that with her mom sitting next to her.

She was amazing...
she said,
"I need to ask you why you've been hurtful to me?"
"Why you are being mean to my new friend?"
"Why you are asking me to choose?"

Her friend asked for forgiveness
she didn't know why she was being mean, but knows it was wrong
maybe she was being influenced by another friend,
     but that was wrong of her to allow her to dictate her actions.
she wants to talk to matching backpack girl and tell her she is sorry,
     ask if she'd be willing to try to be her friend even though she was mean to her

Tuesday morning...
old friend is in library and hour before school...
....so is matching backpack girl....
they are the only two in the library...
...old friend approaches matching backpack girl...
asks if they can talk,
tells her she's sorry for how she was acting,
wants to know if they can start over fresh...
can we all be friends?
matching backpack girl says yes...

old friend has some time to hang out and get to know matching backpack girl before Madison gets to school...
and guess what?
she likes her, she really, really likes her
matching backpack girl is a good person...

there were other 'characters' in the drama...maybe ones that aren't as close, maybe some that influenced old friend's behavior, ones that aren't interested in trying to be friends with matching backpack girl ...
but maybe it's time to distance ourselves from those friends...
move them from 'close friends' to 'I'll-say-hi-to-you-in-the-hallway' friends...
     or maybe even, say good-bye altogether...

Beau and I are so proud of how Madison stood up for right in this situation...
we know that we've 'taught' her to do right, we've instilled in her life God's truths
coincidentally (or not) her youth pastor just finished a series on
    being who you are, not someone else!
last weeks lesson was on Esther and living into who God made you to be...

we also know that this was/is not about us,
   this isn't because we did the right thing as parents...
or that her youth pastor just finished an amazing series

good parents have kids that make bad choices
     and horrible parents have kids that make amazing choices...

this was/is about Madison...
in a difficult moment she chose right!
     not easy,
         not comfortable
               not the known...
she made the moral choice, the good choice, the one that God was leading her to make

Her greatness...that God has planed for her...
     ...is her being her...
living her life and being the person God has planned her to be...
she was born to be this tenderhearted, empathetic, friend...
to stand up against 'evil'
...yes, I said evil...
girls being mean is the opposite of goodness and righteousness
therefore...they are acting out in evil...
Madison was standing up against sin....

Madison...you were born for this!

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

monkeys+apples+caramel=lovely

so this most amazing thing happened Saturday morning...

I was throwing around the idea of making monkey bread for breakfast
...please don't tell me you have no idea what monkey bread is...
(yep, I'm healthy like that)
and so I look around the kitchen to make sure I have what I need...
and I did...
and then as I was standing there cutting the biscuits I remembered my mother-in-law making a monkey bread recipe sort of thing a few years ago not with refrigerated biscuit dough but with frozen roll dough (I think) and then I think she tossed the dough balls in a sugar, cinnamon, hot chocolate powder mixture...

yep...
I said hot chocolate powder....
so I decided to see if I had any packets of hot chocolate...

I DIDN'T have any hot chocolate...
but I did have packets of apple cider...
I started to close the cupboard in sadness when a little voice said,
"why not apple cider?"

and then....
this is the moment that all the stars aligned and perfection was born...

I ran to the computer and searched all of the world wide web
(aka pintrest)
for anything close to a Caramel Apple Monkey Bread recipe...
and guess what...
it didn't exist...
because if it's not on pintrest than it hasn't been invented yet!!!

nope, brand-new invention...

so I ran back into the kitchen and became giddy with my new found power of creation!
and thus pure awesomeness was born...
please...let me be the first to introduce you to

Caramel Apple Monkey Bread!
2/3 cup Brown Sugar
1 1/4 cup butter
2 teaspoons Cinnamon
3 cans of Buttermilk Biscuits
1 1/4 cup Sugar
2-3 packets apple cider drink mix
2-3 apples cored, sliced and chopped thinly

1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees & grease your bundt pan.
2.  Place your butter & brown sugar into your bundt pan and place in oven while it's pre-heating. Keep an eye on the butter/sugar mixture while it melts and becomes one, open up the oven and stir ever few minutes until the two have become caramel goodness. Once the brown sugar and butter married, you can pull it out of the oven and wait for the biscuit nuggets.
3.  While your butter/brown sugar (aka caramel) is melting in the oven...open up all three cans of biscuits and cut each biscuit into quarters/nuggets.
4.  Next, in a 1 gallon zip-lock bag, combine the white sugar with 2 teaspoons of cinnamon & apple cider drink mix packets (2 for a mild flavor, 3 for a slightly stronger flavor).  Drop all of the biscuit nuggets & chopped apples into the cinnamon-sugar mix. Once all the biscuit nuggets and apples are in the bag seal it and give it a vigorous shake. This will get all those pieces unstuck from one another and nicely coated with cinnamon-sugar-apple cider goodness.

5.  Take the caramel...(butter and brown sugar) out of the oven, mix it up good and slowly spread these nuggets out evenly in the bundt pan, coating them in the gooey caramel-ness in the bottom of the bundt pan.
6.  Bake for about 30 minutes until the crust is a a little beyond golden brown, you want it slightly gooey, but not doughy. When its finished cooking, remove it from the oven and allow it to cool for about 15-20 minutes before turning it over onto a plate.
 
So, here you go...
'Hello World Wide Web...I'd like you to meet Caramel Apple Monkey Bread...'

can you see the caramel coating those apple slices?  YUM

she really is very friendly, with all those carbs and gooeyness...

and bonus...when she's cooking in the oven she makes your house smell like fall...

I totally forgot that it was August and going to be 100+ that day...

I smelled baking apples and cinnamon...

and I had visions of sweaters and cold noses dancing thru my head!

Now, just to be clear...this was the-one-and-only-thing my children ate for breakfast on Saturday...

but it had apples in it so I figured that the fruit would get them thru till lunch...

and they acted totally 100% like they had eaten Caramel Apple Monkey Bread for breakfast...go figure!