flighty

you know those couples that have been married 30 years and say,

   "we learn something new about each other every day!"

well, I think that's just weird...do you guys not talk or something...

or am I the weird one?

because I feel like I know my husband even though we've only been together 16 years (married 14)...

there are those times, like twice a year that I learn something new,
     like get brand new information
         either about his likes or dislikes
         maybe his family
         his childhood
         his personality...

but I know him...
we talk...
we like each other
and interact with each other
and I KNOW him...

I don't want to learn new things about him everyday...
    I would feel like I didn't know him...
          that we don't communicate with each other...

photo by Betsey Walton Photography

I get what they're saying...

I think...

that being married, even for decades...

     you don't know EVERYTHING about the other person...

but really,
learning something new about a person everyday for 30 years?

I did the math...that's 10,950 new things 

     (and that's not adding extra days for those leap years!

...that's a lot of stuff to NOT know about your spouse...

I guess you have to factor in things like a person changing...

I have watched my husband change and his likes, dislikes, interests, & hobbies have evolved over the past 16 years, but is that learning something new or is that growing with someone?...

anyways...

it happened this past weekend...

I learned something BRAND-SPANKIN'-NEW about my husband...

     and also a little something about myself...

you know the ol' Flight or Fight thing...

in a crisis/emergency situation your brain does one of two things...

it either Flights (gets the heck out of dodge) 

or Fights...

I am a Flight...drop everything, nothing needs to be saved except my family...and run, drive, whatever mode of transportation available...flight, flight, flight!!!!

Beau is a Fight...drop everything, and fight!  fight for my family, fight for strangers, fight for right!

This can make for a very uncomfortable marriage 'conversations' during said crisis....

oh, and I also learned that I am non-rational, highly emotional, pretty much a nut-case, in crisis situations...like our neighborhood being on fire!...not the best thing for a mom to be...

I would like to say that in the moment I appreciated my husband's fight ...

   I did not...
it pretty much added to my nut-case state of mind.
I needed to flight.
I had my baby (my other baby was with a friend) and I NEEDED my baby's daddy to get in the flight mode and get the heck out of dodge...

I now know that my husband chose the right option,
stay and fight...
protect his family, 
help neighbors, 
help strangers,
take pictures...(yes, take pictures during crisis to remember later)

I also know without a shadow of a doubt that if he thought for one second that the crisis was too dangerous he would chose flight, because he is rational, calm, able to use his reasoning skills in crisis situations...unlike his flighty wife...

As I watched our neighbors all figure out their flight or fight I saw something interesting...
The a majority of those choosing flight were women...
wives & mothers...
and those choosing fight were men...
husbands, fathers, a teenage son that saved his house and potentially many others including ours!

I wonder if this has something to do with being the provider or the nester
(yes I know that's not a word!)...
Beau was protecting...
I was needing to get all my chicks into a safer nest than our current one!

So, I guess that I might not have learned something new about Beau everyday of our 14 year marriage, but I did learn something new this year!...
I learned that I am so glad he is a fighter and not flighty.
I am glad that during a crisis I can look at him and he will make all rational, sane decisions that need to be made for our family....
because I sure as heck can't!

do you know your reaction...are you flight or fight?

and/or have you learned something new about your spouse after years of marriage?