The S'wet' Suit...

Okay...so if you've been reading my blog, you might have guessed that I've gone and signed myself up for a triathlon...

(it's a Sprint Triathlon so don't freak out...

even though I am!)

When I went "blog public" with my triathlon commitment the location was TBA...

no biggie...

I knew the distances so I could still train...

and then they TBA...was announced and the swimming portion, we all discovered, is in the ocean...

okay, actually the "Bay"...(that's San Fransisco for those of you not familiar with the "Bay"...Alameda to be more precise)...

side-note for all of those readers not familiar with the Pacific Ocean from San Diego north...it is COLD...it's not a warm ocean...and north of LA we don't even call it the "beach"...terms like "coast" and "ocean" are used so as to not confuse young children with visions of warm sandy, beachy waters....

my sister-in-law had warned me that this might be the case...and had even warned me whatever the water I would probably want to look into getting a wet-suit...

Sure...a wet suit...I can do that...

Wait...a What?  A WET SUIT...

like a real Wet Suit...

like those things that add 30 lbs to my body...(well I'm assuming they'll add 30 lbs...I've NEVER in my life worn a wet suit!)

Sure, a wet suit, I can do that...

and I go on my happy way...

oh, now I need to buy this wet suit...

okay, so did you know that you can't buy everything at Target...sad day...

I was so hoping that I could pick up my toilet paper, some flip flops, toothpaste and my new wet suit!!!

NOPE...I started looking online...sure, yeah...I can pick myself up a "cheap" suit for around $200...

yeah, only $200 what a deal!...

okay, so I started looking at craigslist...found some used ones for around $100

(you know you're desperate when you're willing to buy something that you're pretty sure someone else has most definitely peed themselves in...and pay $100 for someone else's peed in suit!!)

then miracles of miracles Costco has wet suits...on sale...

for $37.99...that's better than paying $100 for some old peed in suit!

Okay sure, the suit is probably made for water skiers and isn't designed for triathlons...

WHO cares...it's $37.99

oh,  and then there's the sizing....

so nice of the wet suit companies to decide that women over the height of 5' 7" don't need wet suits...or that weigh more than 140...

the horribly degrading 'sizing' chart for women had the largest size marked at 5'7"+ & 140+....I'm thinking that I am outside the "+" unless "+" now means infinity!!!!

oh, and the chart for men...apparently men under the height of 5'7" don't need wet suits, unless they want the ones with pink stripes!...

so happy day, I had got to purchase the XL wet suit for men!...

and I'm going with the "I'm too tall" for the women's not the "I'm WAY more than 140+" for the women's size excuse, and please just nod and agree with me instead of pointing out the truth that we ALL know!

So now I'm home with this lovely XL Men's wet suit...

I lay it on the bed and wonder if I could bedazzle anything onto it to jazz it up some...

I sit down and look at it...wondering how many 140+ women had to buy the men's suit...

will the XL Men's suit have enough room for my "girls"...

will it have "extra" room in the "man region"....

I strip down to the undies and decide to humiliate myself and try this thing on...

couldn't be worse the the "Option 2" moment back in January

...or could it...I'm now remembering myself trying on the "running support" ordered online for my new triathlon adventure...I'm remembering how I almost had to call 911...

who's idea was it to get a wet suit...

who's idea was this triathlon thing...

YIKES...I'm signed up for a triathlon...and I have to wear a WET SUIT...in public...

I'm also VERY thankful that Costco does not have dressing rooms, because I may have been tempted to try this on in public!...

okay...now I'm standing in my undies looking at my none-cute, very XL Man looking wet suit...and I power thru...I step into it, pull it up over my shoulders, pull the zipper up the back

(side-note...love the zippers on wet suits, those long zippers that you don't need help pulling up...totally need that for some dresses, but probably not so cute to have the long strap hanging down your back..maybe if you added some beads...humm...)...

Brace myself...the moment of truth...

...

I'm in the wet suit...

...the "girls" aren't smooshed beyond recognition...

they look like "girls" and not like tumors pushed into my armpits!

the "man region" isn't extra roomy...thankfully for my extra long torso that has used up the "extra" room that was designed for the "man region"...I was imagining the extra room looking like I was carrying something between my thighs...

...This isn't so bad...

I look like a women in a wet suit...I felt like jumping up and down...I wanted to grab a surf board and catch a wave (only me on a board in an ocean would most likely = ER visit!)...

so what if it added 30 lbs...I have myself a wet suit...and I don't look like a whale or any other large aquatic mammal....

oh, and now my bum is all wet...the "wet" suit does not breathe and it makes my bum sweat...so I have now decided to call it the S'wet' suit...and that I should probably not wear it around the house because I think I look cool it in...I will save the suit for swimming only...

oh...and that's another thing...I think I now need to try to swim in this thing...YIKES...

who talked me into this triathlon thing!